◆ Satire — a parody sales site. Not a real listing. Not a real place. Not a real lake. Yet. ◆
Lake Millcroft
A Master-Planned Wetland Community
Overview Incentives The Residences The Address Pricing FAQ Bail Now
The Puddleford Group Presents
Est. MMXXVI · North Burlington

LAKE
MILLCROFT

Waterfront living for everyone downhill.

Now Pre-Selling · 138 Estate Residences · From the High $1,000,000s*
Bail Now Get the VIP Price List

*Pricing is the Builder's decision. We are merely the visionaries. Water table subject to change without notice, and it will not be giving notice.

Artist’s concept. Water level not to scale. Yet.
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No. IThe Vision

An exclusive enclave. An inclusive lake.

For over twenty-five years, one family of visionaries has transformed underutilised land into community, with agility. Now, in North Burlington’s most established neighbourhood, The Puddleford Group proudly introduces 138 estate residences on 41 hectares of regulatory floodplain* — an address that does not merely say you have arrived. It says the water has, too.

Here, elevated living meets descending grades. Bespoke architecture meets bespoke hydrology. This is legacy — poured, framed, and pre-saturated. We did not build near the water. We built where the water was already planning to be. That is called foresight.

138
Estate Residences
43′+
Lots From 43 Feet. Water From All Directions
1
Storm Sewer (Est. 1988)
41 ha
Regulatory Floodplain*
75 ac
Open Space, Gifted Back to You, From You
0
Opinions About Your Foundation
* The asterisk is load-bearing. See footer.
No. IICurrent Incentives

Value that rises. Like everything here.

Limited Time — Like All Things on a Floodplain
$0
Lake Maintenance Fees. Ever.

The lake maintains itself. Momentum, mostly. Gravity does the rest, free of charge, forever.

2nd
Sump Pump, Complimentary

With the purchase of your first sump pump. A $499 value. Priceless by April.

Capped
Development Charges

Charges: capped. Water: uncapped. We trust purchasers to appreciate the distinction.

No. IIIThe Residences

Two curated collections. One rising theme.

Each residence is an architectural statement. The statement is “we are confident,” delivered from a stormwater reserve, in drywall.

The Watermark Collection
Signature · 43′ Lots
Model No. LM-01

The Marina

2,500 Sq Ft (Dry Measure) · From $1,838,000

Water arrives in the foyer, for that sense of occasion the moment you step inside.

Request Floor Plan (Waterproof PDF) →
Model No. LM-02

The Sandbag

Starter Estate · From $1,590,000

Comes pre-stressed. Ideal for first-time buyers and confident optimists.

Request Floor Plan (Waterproof PDF) →
The High-Water Collection
Prestige · 50′ Lots
Model No. LM-03

The Bilge

Walk-Out Lower Level · From $2,114,000

You walk out. The water walks right back in. A true indoor-outdoor flow.

Request Floor Plan (Waterproof PDF) →
Model No. LM-04 · Flagship

The Ark

50′ Frontage · From $2,750,000

Our flagship. Includes one (1) paddle, a firm handshake, and no guarantees.

Request Floor Plan (Waterproof PDF) →

Pricing is the Builder’s decision. We are merely the visionaries. Square footage measured at low tide. Renderings are artist’s concept; the artist has been asked to stop adding water and has declined.

No. IVFeatures & Finishes

Appointed beyond reason.

Every residence is curated, elevated, and bespoke. The water is standard.

Seasonal water features
Non-optional. Non-removable. Peaks beautifully every spring melt.
Direct basement lake access
Standard in most units. Premium units get it twice a year.
Hotel-inspired ensuites
Twin rainfall showerheads: one in the ceiling, one wherever the ceiling fails.
Soaring 10-foot ceilings
Measured from the waterline. Figures may vary through the spring.
Artisanal silt
Locally sourced from the fairway that used to absorb all of this.
Smart-home package
Moisture sensors standard. They are never off. They have seen things.
Heritage sump-pump hook-ups
Roughed in and ready. Pump sold separately. Second pump strongly advised.
Stormwater measures, improved
Drainage, but better. Applied to land whose entire job is to hold water.
A necessary step
The tree canopy has been described as this. The trees were not consulted, being trees.
Generously gifted open space
Seventy-five acres, to the community, for zero financial consideration. It was already yours. You are welcome.
Walking distance to sandbags
A vibrant, tight-knit community of very concerned neighbours.
Pet-friendly
Strong swimmers only. Ask about our waterfowl incentive.
No. VIThe Address

Minutes from everything. Feet from the water table.

Schools

Top-ranked schools sit moments away, uphill. Children build character here, and later, levees.

Parks & Trails

Adjacent to 75 acres of protected open space, generously gifted to the community, from the community.

Commuting

Swift access to the highway, conditions permitting. Conditions not permitting: see canoe launch, under Features.

Dining & Shopping

The city’s finest, a short drive or a moderate paddle. Delivery drivers advised of draft restrictions.

Golf

Walking distance to a championship golf course.** **Formerly.

The Lake

Zero minutes. The lake finds you. That is our promise, and the region’s topography’s.

No. VIIOur Philosophy

We don’t build houses. We create community.

We saw an underutilised stormwater reserve and asked the hard question: what if this held drywall instead of water? This is much-needed housing. It is not affordable, and the City says it is not needed, but it is much-needed.

We operate with agility. We also have a division in Florida, for reasons we would rather not get into. Our commitment to this community is total, which is why we are also demanding things from it.

“

We generously gifted the community 75 acres of open space for zero financial consideration.

— A Developer, operating with agility
“

These homes will displace only the water that was going somewhere anyway.

— A person who will not live here, own here, or be downhill of here
“

It is our private land, and the public deserves answers.

— A Landowner, latterly a Transparency Advocate
No. VIIIPricing & Deposit Structure

Transparent pricing. Opaque water.

Model
Collection
Sq Ft
From
The Sandbag
Watermark
2,180
$1,590,000
The Marina
Watermark
2,500
$1,838,000
The Bilge
High-Water
3,260
$2,114,000
The Ark
High-Water
4,100
$2,750,000

All square footage dry measure. All prices the Builder’s decision; we are merely the visionaries. E. & O. & H2O. E.

Deposit Structure
With offer$10,000
In 30 days2.5%
In 90 days2.5%
In 180 days2.5%
On occupancy5%
At closingOne (1) working flashlight

All deposits held in trust. The trust is located uphill.

No. IXThe Developer

Twenty-five years of vision. With agility.

25+
Years of Visionary Land Use
2
Climates — Ontario & Florida, For Reasons
400+
Trees, Necessarily Stepped
1
Self-Storage Division. Dry, Ironically
A Note From the Founder

“This land is privately owned, and we were disappointed that a vocal group behaves as though it belongs to them. Separately, and in the interest of transparency, we demand that someone else release their documents. We remain baffled, wounded, and pre-selling.”

— The Founder · Photograph withheld in the interest of transparency
No. XRegister

Secure your place on higher ground.

Priority access for buyers, gawkers, and hydrogeologists. We will be in touch before the next big rainfall.

By registering you acknowledge that “lakefront” is a state of mind and occasionally a state of drywall.

The Presentation Gallery

Open by appointment, weather permitting. Located conveniently uphill. Galoshes provided, one size.

Enquiries: 1-800-BAIL-NOW
Correspondence by bottle accepted.

No. XIFrequently Asked Questions

Asked frequently. Answered with agility.

Is the site really a regulatory floodplain?

Yes. Of everything on this page, that is the one true fact. We are as surprised as you that it survived the marketing process. See footer.

Will my basement flood?

We maintain zero opinions about your foundation. We find this is best for everyone, particularly us.

Is this much-needed housing affordable?

It is much-needed. It is not affordable. These are different words, and we would thank you not to use them in the same question.

What happened to the trees?

A necessary step. Four hundred of them, necessarily stepped.

Can I assign my purchase?

Assignments are permitted to any buyer situated downhill of you.

When is occupancy?

Closings begin at spring melt and conclude when the pumps do.

Is this real?

No. This is a parody. The lake, however, is in pre-construction.

NFIMBY — est. 2026
Overview Incentives The Residences The Address Pricing FAQ

“In the interest of transparency, we demand someone else release their documents.”

This is a work of satire. “Lake Millcroft” and “The Puddleford Group” are invented brands for a parody about stormwater, land development, and civic optimism. The developer voice on this page is an archetype; lines in that voice are exaggerations for comic effect and are never assertions of fact about any person or company. No real company, logo, photograph, rendering, or named individual appears here; all imagery is original illustration. Nothing on this page alleges wrongdoing by anyone, and nothing on it is an offer, listing, or solicitation of any kind. All prices, models, incentives, and deposit structures are fictional. The floodplain designation marked * is real. The lake is not. Yet.

© 2026 Lake Millcroft, a fictional community dedicated to keeping one real neighbourhood dry. E. & O. & H2O. E.

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◆ Still satire. Still not a real listing. The water, regrettably, is real. ◆